It is very common for a marraige to quickly crumble when facing financial hardships. I have even had problems occur in my own marraige.
What we need to do is stop placing blame on eachother for what is already done. I have found that if you try to work on a solution rather than pointing fingers, you will actually tend to bond rather than seperate. A good way to keep your marraige on the healthy side is to work as a team. I know sometimes it is hard when you can not come to an agreement and you can't get your spouse to understand your point of view. But marraige is about the long haul. The good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly. Someone has to give in when the tug a war is happening.
Just allow yourself to go back in time. Remember when you were deep in love and couldn't imagine living without him or her? Well believe it or not, those feelings are probably still buried deep with in. If you set aside the anger, ego, and resent, and dig deep inside your heart, you may find something that surprises you! That good ole spark!
Example of how your arguments may occur:
Wife: " Babe, have you found a job yet?'
Husband: " No you ask me that everyday. When I find a job, trust me you will be the first to know!"
Wife: " Well I can't do this anymore! The bills are falling behind and I am working a lot of hours but it's not enough! What in the Heck are you doing all day?"
Husband: " I am trying to find a job and watching these rug rats while you are at work! You think that's not work?"
Wife: " Well, maybe we shouldn't have had kids if that's how to refer to them! I took care of them when I was out of work remember?"
Husband: "Well than you know that is a job in itself, so get off my back!"
Wife: " I wouldn't be on your back if you had a d&% job! And then we could afford daycare so neither one of us would have to deal with the kids! And maybe our phones wouldn't be shut off! Now the electric is running past due and pretty soon we will be late on our mortgage! Then what? We lose the house and then we are homeless because your lazy butt couldn't get a job?!"
Husband: " The ecomony is bad, and a lot of people are out of work! I am trying, trust me I want to get the h&^* out of this house so I don't have to hear your mouth anymore! I'll work at McDonalds if I have to just to get away from you! Where's the keys, I'm out of here!"
A different approach and outcome: ( This will take some work on both of your parts)
Wife: " Babe, how is the job search going? Anything look promising?"
Husband: " Well, I sent out a bunch of resumes, hopefully someone will get back to me soon."
Wife: " I'm sure someone will get back to you. You have a lot of experience and you're are a hard worker. The economy is bad right now and a lot of people are out trying to get work. Maybe you could look into other trades and take less pay for now. Just until the economy picks up. These bills are really stresssing me out."
Husband: " That's an option, I will look into it and see what else is out there. I know you have been working hard to keep up with these bills. I remember when you were out of work and I had to do it. We will get through this as we have in the past. Why don't we get the kids to bed early tonight and spend some time together"
Wife: " That's a great idea, I need something to keep my mind occupied. All I keep thinking about is bills."
Husband: " How about we pop in a dvd and watch a movie. Then I can run a nice bubble bath for you. You need to relax and let go sometimes. No need to always think about bills."
Wife: " Your right there's so much more to this marraige. We should make the best of our time together. A movie and bubble bath sounds too good to be true. Let's do it!"
Husband: " I might have something else in mind later....."
Wife: (kisses husband and smacks him on the behind)
******Remember there will always be good and bad times in a marraige. The good times are easy to cope with. The bad times need to be dealt with in a teamwork matter. Being married is a challenge in itself. But it is worth fighting for. Don't become a statistic.
Just a few words of encouragement.
Note: Your not the only one going through it.
For foreclosure help feel free to contact me.